Dealing with the Loss of Your Dog: A Guide to Grieving and Healing

Article by Devin Kelly, DOGPAK Founder 

This is a tough one for me to write. But an important one, so here goes.

Earlier this week, my wife and I took our young pup Theseus to the vet for a routine surgery. Shortly after administering the general anesthesia, his heart stopped and he never woke up.

Understandably, it has been an absolute whirlwind in the subsequent days. In learning to navigate the nauseating turmoil of his unexpected early departure, I began to write some of my thoughts on my own grieving process. Much of my stream of consciousness writing remains personal, private—a therapeutic exercise as I deal with the grief and melancholy in my own way. Some of it is emotionally charged.

But some of it has been informative—a helpful reminder to myself to understand and embrace the various stages of grief. That portion of my writings might offer some kind of helpful insight to anyone else experiencing such a loss.

So the purpose of this article is two-fold: first, it is a gentle reminder to myself on processing the emotional rollercoaster of grief—an encouraging hurrah as I grimace and plunge once more unto the breach for another inevitable journey into the unfathomable depths of despair, to somehow ford the impossibly huge rift now risen in his absence. Second, it is an amalgamation of the useful pieces that might help guide someone else going through a similar tragedy.

In this article, we’ll explore the emotions that accompany the loss of your dog, ways to honor their memory, and how to find hope and healing in the journey ahead.

The Profound Bond Between Humans and Dogs

If you’re receiving this newsletter, then you’re no stranger to the incredible bonds we share with our pups. I don’t have to convince you that losing a dog is tantamount to losing a piece of your soul, and I wouldn’t have it any other way because, to me, that indicates that my pup and I shared such an indelible connection that our very identities are intertwined on some cosmic scale. And that is the beautiful thing about dogs—that they awaken some virtue, some aspect of ourselves that we otherwise would have never known if it weren’t for their roles in our lives.

I know most of you would agree that our dogs are so much more than pets. They are life-companions, best friends, unflinchingly loyal adventure buddies, cherished members of the family. They make us laugh, they make us love, they make us pull our hair out in beloved frustration at their naughty antics. They even make us talk funny for some reason that I still don’t understand.

Their departure, whether timely or otherwise, leaves a profound chasm, cracking even a piece of our identity for a time while we learn how to navigate that daunting void. But scars are beautiful. They are stories of our survival, of our ability to adapt and overcome the wounds of adversity. They might be permanent, but far from mere blemishes, each scar is a piece of the story of who we are.

Where does that unexplainable bond come from? Is it written in our modern genome, having evolved alongside domesticated wolves for some 15,000 years? How far back into ancestry must we look to find evidence of the kind of kinship we share with our pups today? A long way back, that is for sure.

Evidence of humans buried alongside their faithful canine companions can be found dating back 2,000, 5,000, even 8,000+ years with burial sites revealing decorative collars and bells even, indicating our ancestors likewise loved their pups as family.


∼8,000 year old dog burial near Lake Baikal

Furthermore, evidence of decorated dog burials are found spread across the world—our love and appreciation for our four-legged companions seems to be a universal human trait. I find that beautiful, unifying, and somehow, even in my current grief, uplifting.

For thousands of years, dogs have stood by our sides protecting, working, and undoubtedly loving us as we have loved them. And I can’t help but think that our mutual evolution, side-by-side, through thick and thin over the centuries and millennia, has coded itself directly into our modern genome.

Understanding Your Grief

Grief is natural, but it is also painful, confusing, difficult, and often times, especially in the early stages, it is overwhelming.

Grief is a complicated emotion, and the loss of a dog can evoke a mixture of feelings ranging from sadness and anger to confusion and guilt. In the days after losing Theseus, my emotional rollercoaster took me through all of these emotions and more. 

Many people underestimate the depth of grief they may feel after losing a pet, but your grief is valid, even virtuous. On some level, it is a metric of just how deeply you cared for your pup.

1. It’s Okay to Feel Devastated

The pain of losing a dog can rival the loss of any close human relationship. As someone who has lost an abnormal number of close friends, most of whom at young ages (being a wingsuit BASE jumper for a decade will do that), I personally find that the loss of canine companion actually hits even deeper.

Allow yourself the space to grieve, and give yourself permission to do so. You’ve lost a part of your daily routine—no more vigorous tail-wags to greet you at the door when you come home for work. You wake up in the morning and realize there’s no morning walk to look forward to (though if it’s any consolation, that also means no more freezing-cold early-morning walks in the middle of a blizzard in winter).

It’s hard. A companion who offered unconditional love without judgment is no longer there to greet you at the door with each homecoming, no matter how short a time it’s been since you stepped out of the door. Feeling devastated is entirely natural. Embrace it, and maybe in some strange way, appreciate it as a measure of the depth of the love you two once shared together.

2. You May Experience a Range of Emotions

Grief isn’t linear, and it’s common to feel a range of emotions, sometimes all in a single day. Sadness, guilt, anger, and even relief (especially if your dog was suffering) are all valid responses. Take time to acknowledge these emotions without judgment. This is not the time to be hard on yourself. Let it happen, and be like water.

Coping with the Loss of Your Dog

As you move through the grieving process, it's important to find ways to cope that are meaningful to you. Healing doesn’t happen overnight. Maybe it shouldn’t. But time does heal, and finding the right support can help you find peace.

1. Talk About Your Feelings

Whether it’s with a friend, family member, or a support group, sharing your feelings can help you process your loss. You are not alone in this. Remember there are many communities, both in-person and online, that offer support for pet loss, and being surrounded by others who understand can be a powerful tool in your healing journey.

2. Create a Memorial

Honoring your dog’s memory through a memorial can be incredibly healing. You might plant a tree in their honor, create a scrapbook, or set up a small tribute in your home with their collar, favorite toy, or a framed photo. Many dog owners find comfort in creating a lasting tribute, something that reminds them of the happy times they shared.

When my wife and I went into the vet room to see Theseus one last time after he had passed, the vet staff had considerately placed two burning candles next to him. We bawled our eyes out as we smacked face-first into the grieving process, and after we said our heartfelt goodbyes, we each left the room just after blowing out the candles they had left. It was a symbolic gesture, and I think in some sense, it did help.

3. Celebrate Their Life

Rather than focusing solely on the loss, try to remember the joy and happiness your dog brought into your life. Reflect on your shared adventures, those gifts they were able to give you, without whose companionship you might never have embarked on.

From long mountain hikes to sunset beach walks to those everyday moments that made life a little brighter, reflect on how grateful you are to have shared those moments—from the mundane day-to-day to those epic once-a-year or once-a-lifetime travels: that was their gift to you.

Share your stories with others or write them down in a journal. For some, those writings can be cathartic and possibly even constructive. That is the very process I myself am currently working on in my efforts to somehow assuage some of these feelings accompanying my own grief. Sometimes, celebrating their life can help lighten the weight of grief.

Moving Forward Without Forgetting

One of the most challenging aspects of losing a dog is figuring out how to move forward while still honoring their memory. The goal here is not “getting over” the loss, rather learning to integrate their memory into your life in a way that brings comfort rather than pain.

1. Give Yourself Time to Heal

There’s no set timeline for grief. Whether it takes months or years to feel whole again, it’s important to give yourself time. Understand that each of us are unique, and likewise, each of us shared a unique relationship with our own pup. There is no one-size-fits-all. Everyone heals at their own pace, so be kind to yourself.

It’s normal to have days where the pain feels fresh, even long after your dog has passed. How could it not be normal? But over time, you might find that those devastating days where everything seems to hit you all at once become fewer and fewer, and further in between. Accept that the healing process is gradual and unique to you. That, in itself, is a celebration of the unique bond you personally shared with your unique pup—it is a recognition and a celebration of the incredible infinity of possibilities for canine companionship.

2. Don’t Feel Guilty About Moving On

At some point, you may feel ready to adopt another dog. Dogs are awesome. It’s important to know that bringing another dog into your life doesn’t mean you’re replacing your old friend. Each dog has a unique personality that will fit into your life like some customized jigsaw piece, perhaps helping you to finish a masterpiece you never even knew you were working on. Such is the wonderful gift that dogs bring into our lives, and we can only hope to repay them in kind.

Remember, your heart has the capacity to love again, even if it’s hard to imagine right now. When the time is right, if the time is right, you’ll know.

3. Engage in Self-Care

In the immediate aftermath of your dog’s death, practicing self-care is crucial. Grief takes a toll on both your mental and physical health. Go on walks, talk to friends, eat nutritious meals, and allow yourself moments of joy, no matter how small. Stop and smell the roses (though maybe don’t linger at every passing bush as long as Theseus liked to). Physical activity and spending time outdoors, if that is your wont, can be a great way to reconnect with yourself and begin to heal.

Finding Hope After Loss

I suppose the pain of losing a dog never fully goes away, and maybe we shouldn’t want it to. After all, it is a beautiful, if not at times difficult, incessant reminder of the bond we once shared. Just know, there is hope beyond the sorrow.

In time, the sharp edges of grief begin to soften just as your resolve in the face of adversity begins to harden. Soon, the myriad happy memories of your dog will bring more smiles than tears.

1. Consider Volunteering

If you’re not ready for a new dog but still want to connect with animals, consider volunteering at a local shelter. This can be a wonderful way to honor your dog’s memory while helping others. It can also provide a sense of fulfillment and remind you of the joys of canine companionship.

2. Turn Grief into Action

I don’t mean paint the town red in a frenzy of hellfire and abandon. It might not always seem like it, but there are more constructive ways to turn those somersaulting emotions of grief into something productive, maybe even helpful toward a cause greater than yourself—a key element in finding some sense of fulfillment or purpose again.

Some pet owners find comfort in advocating for animal welfare, donating to rescue organizations, or even starting a foundation in their dog’s name. Turning grief into positive action can be incredibly empowering, allowing you to honor your dog’s legacy in a meaningful way—one that you just might find healing, at least in some capacity.

Closing Thoughts: The Healing Power of Love

Grieving the loss of a dog is one of the hardest challenges any pet owner can face, but with time, support, and self-compassion, healing is possible. Your dog’s memory will always live on in your heart, and the bond you shared will forever be a source of love and comfort.

Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. Many have walked this path before, and many will walk it after, though I can barely stand to bare that notion at the moment. Together, we honor the love, joy, and companionship that our dogs bring into our lives on the trails, in our homes, and in our hearts.

Remember to always hug your pup like you mean it, to know that those moments are fleeting and to embrace each one of them as the gift that they are. Remember their silly faces, their serious faces, their thinking faces, their good-dog and naughty-dog faces. Those expressions will live on in our memories for a long time after they are gone, and they will ever be a source of comfort. Who knows, they might even make you crack a smile when you least expect it.

Cherish every extra smile your pup gifts to you, and be grateful, now, in the present, for every future memory you are making together. Those are the memories that will some day help you navigate this seemingly unbearable grief.

And I suppose I would not know this grief if I hadn’t previously experienced the indescribable bond that can develop between dog and human. I am grateful to have ever experienced that, and I am doing my best to remind myself of that with each passing day.

Much love from the DOGPAK team to you and your canine crew. 

—Devin, Peggy, Thunder & Theseus